Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
