It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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