Where did you get a picture of my penis
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
