I just saw a hot homeless man
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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