i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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