get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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