Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
