i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
