Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize