textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
