Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
