Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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