I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
