So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
