i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
