who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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