I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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