My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize