btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
