True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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