i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Randomize