I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
