Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
