Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My feet surprised me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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