Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
