so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
