We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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