Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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