I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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