I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize