He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
