So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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