From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
