i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He kissed a someone with a penis
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
