I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize