But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
