my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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