found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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