I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I will die if light touches me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
