One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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