We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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