I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize