Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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