Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
