these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
