The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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