You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
