I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
