oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
