I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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