Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize