Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
