They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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