Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
