Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
