I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
