I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
