When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
