i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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