just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
