You made me cry and you don't even care
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
