Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
