sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
