1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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