This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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