peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
