He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize